February 19, 2020

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Why I No Longer Drink Water

There is a dangerous item that I can no longer bring myself to consume – water.*

That’s right, water.  A lot of people are not aware of how dangerous water is.

Some people have bad health if they drink too much water.  It’s true!  There are people who are allergic to it.  The little seahorse on Finding Nemo was H20 (water) intolerant.  And too much water will kill you.  Since it is very bad for some people, it must obviously be bad for everyone.

Also, look at what water is made of: two atoms of hydrogen, and one atom of oxygen.  Hydrogen is used to make very scary bombs – so I don’t want to put something with DOUBLE the amount of hydrogen in my body.  And oxygen is released as the “waste product” following photosynthesis in plants.  Do I really want to consume plant waste?

There is no nutritional value to water.  It contains no vitamins.  Yes, there are a few minerals, but these can be found in many other sources.  Calcium can easily be found in all dairy products.  And I’m sure there are other places to find magnesium or some of the other minerals.  The minerals found in water are absorbed as it flows over other things – rocks, sand, etc.  So why not just skip the water and go straight to the source – eat the rocks!

The water that comes through your tap is processed.  There are so many things that happen in water that  have been taken out to help it taste better.  Dead animals, fishing gear, garbage, and animal waste are just a few things you would find in natural water.  I can’t drink something that’s processed!  So until I see a lifeless fish or a license plate come through my tap, I will be steering clear of the kitchen sink and sticking with my Diet Coke.

Water makes you gain weight.  It’s true!  Step on the scale, drink two glasses of water, and then step back on.  You’ve probably gained at least a half pound.  Besides, when people first start to lose weight, most of what they lose that first week is water weight.  And when you workout, you sweat water.  The body obviously does not like water and is trying to get rid of it.  So stop putting it in your body all together!

The news constantly reports on the dangers of water.  Most of the time, they refer to water by some of its other names – snow, ice, and rain to name a few.  But don’t let these other names fool you.  Studies have shown that places that receive a lot of “rain”  are literally drowning.  “Snow” can cause building damage, traffic jams, and even cancel school.  I don’t want to put something that powerful and destructive into my body – no matter what they call it.

Water isn’t necessary for anything.  This is a lie promoted by the government and big companies.  They are obviously trying to get us addicted to water in an attempt to extract more money from the public – and it’s working.  How many people are FORCED to pay a water utility bill each month?  Everybody!  So please stop listening to all those scientists, doctors, and nutritionists who are hiding the truth about water from the public.  Stop drinking water NOW and see how much your life can change in just a few short days!

*This post was written for ENTERTAINMENT purposes only.  Water is vital to existence and should be consumed every day.  So should food.  Please consult medical professionals, not a blog post, as to what should or should not be included in your diet.

photo credit: Stay Hydrated via photopin (license)

*This post was featured on Jebbica’s World

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7 COMMENTS

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  • Maegan Dockery

    I was definitely beginning to worry about you as I read this, haha! Too funny. I am a firm believer in not drinking your calories, so water is definitely my favorite drink. Plus it saves you so much money if you eat out often! Thanks for the laugh! 🙂

    • Jayni

      You are welcome! I love drinking water when I go out to eat. Good for the body and the wallet!

  • Jebbica

    Oh, my goodness! You got me! I was like, “is she serious?” LOL! I drink a gallon a day, but I love water. I feel weird if I don’t drink a ton and am peeing all the time. But I know people who would rather die than drink water! I don’t know how people do that. I will indulge in a soda or diet soda every now and then (generally if there’s rum involved), but coffee and water are my 2 go-to bevs for sure. Thanks for making me laugh and sharing this controversial post at my party! 🙂

    • Jayni

      Oh no, I am a huge fan of water (especially if it is naturally flavored with oranges or other fruit). That’s why I made sure I included the disclaimer. There are several blog posts I read about why _____ is bad. I just wanted to see if I could do the same thing with the one thing everyone is in agreement is good for you!

  • Heather

    Oh how I laughed! The title alone got me to read your post. I love it! Especially about sticking to “diet coke” (my favorite non-healthy beverage by the way) and how water makes you gain weight. I could easily see this post on The Onion or other satire news site. You need a very good job in making your point appear serious. Love the humor. The best part is that it shows your good natured attitude towards health. Thank you for the grin today! Now to go get a glass of water for myself. 🙂

    • Jayni

      Glad I could help you smile!

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